You are being spoonfed lies by the media. *I* am being spoonfed baby food because I am a baby
I can do between two and three billion pushups
big yip to all my homedawgs
If the rules are written by the victors, then who writes the victors?
The only realignment I need is realignment surgery
AW HAW NAW: HE SLAMPIN IT DOWN THA HIZOOP
hubba hubba telly tubba
:V - So busy going I forgot where I was coming
When they go low, I declare opposite day and then I go even lower
look in the mirror: if all you see is a mirror then you are a mirror
I only date boys who are 1000000000 feet tall
I dig when my mom tells me about my fingers
Not all heroes are guilty of being perfect
There's no explanation: it's pretty clear
Please stop yelling I'm already dead
Showing up is half the battle. The other half is battling.
INTRODUCING: THE CRACKINATOR
SPEAK DOWN SONNY
I am capable of planking for hours
I only have eyes for dessert drank
It's like a combination of LARPing and GLAMPing
If I say things slowly enough then it will take me 100 years to say it
I am within a one-mile radius of Africa
My mean strings are fueled by beans
CURRENT MOOD: MOODY
Did you know that pangolins are the only animal capable of capitalization?
I aim to serve
I'm so lonley because all of my friends evolved into chimpanzees
A diet made of corn can actually
www dot dub dot www com corn
No seriously I am 🤣🤣🤣 rn my sides hurt so bad
Yo fam this right here is 💯 💯 💯 💯 it is my jam know what I'm saying?
I'm slowly losing all of my liquids but luckily I still have some
YO TENGO MUCHO TEMOR
when I grow up I want to be a matchbook
modern science can't explain how I remain so fly all the time
Briaoceros does what few dare to dream
you are a but giggle in a house full of farts
6 feet deep breaths
I have inferior blastopores
how can I tell your secrets when I can't even tell the time
Nothin personal, kid
My skull could be your nest if you play your cards right
You have just been sponged
I don't fit in my chair because it is only 3 microns large
Don't click if you don't like a c t i o n
The only thing left to do is to start
Holes are evolving into something far worse
I dunno, maybe spuds?
Cliffs scare me because they are so beautiful
I'm sorry Steve, sometimes I make the rules
this made more sense without context
My favorite color is [REDACTED]
DOES ANYBODY KNOW KUNG FU ANYMORE???
My horcrux is the entire world's supply of banana pudding
I insist that you leave your mortal enemy my postal stamps
As it turns out, Janky Hanky Kong is only four years old
I believe it's butter
WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF
That guy over there is such an alumbnuts
DARRYL, GET OUT OF MY TRAP DOOR
Excuse me but I'm the star here
Oh god here comes Mr. Bigmouth I hope he doesn't have any more treats
Sometimes people tell me I'm too gentle
Please tell this tree to go breathe somewhere else
What time is it in goat years?
If it weren't for cheating I'd never be able to lose
I'm a jack of all trades, master of all humans
Check out this sweet Mario Maker level
Appropriate flex, bro
There's a hole in my heart where my brain once lived
Just kidding I charge a fee for my renaming service
I will rename you for free
NO SKATES NO SERVICE
Never give up unless it's too hard
The hardest puzzle is made out of diamond
It's time for the global scale
There is no explanation for how this works
Oh look at me I'm so smart because I KNOW HOW TO HOLD A PEN
I can't believe they used to torch their strawberries in the past
Will the real William Shatner please recognize this dog's fortitude?
Please save your accordion for the after-party
And then there were tweenagers bearing their souls
SMELL THIS GEEZE BALL
Gangship is second only to friendship
Cool, I just finished doing all your losing for you
I'm just bitter of those who aren't my forefathers
Stop crying before I force myself to cry to fit in
Kongrats on that promotion
For the record, I can rotate my own eyes
I ingested homeless cooking and now I'm 8' tall
Time to look awful for my cool friends
I just call it like I see it
Just tell me how ferocious I truly am
Desperate times call me on my smart phone
Brugh do you even leftist heap?
The mailman ate my letter because he said it was full of nutrients
My oingos are full of boingos
I'm so tired of dying alone :(
My wacky sound effects make children giggle
Please please please please please knock me out
By the power of Mr. Larry, I shall will myself to conformity
Sticks and stones break my promises
No thanks, I'm already going to the moon
But sir, what about the bidness on aisle 3?
I'm so uncrustable
Have you considered not hanging out with your hands?
There are tens of us who understand how to count to 3
Please tell me you didn't take my favorite cube!
When ya boi is all netflix and no chill
Did you know lions are within striking distance?
You can play the trumpet right now.
Rumble in the Blungle.
I'm tired of the good old days.
Don't forget to leave a like, retweet, comment, subscribe, pay me, look at me, acknowledge me, and thumbs me up. Thanks
I learned how to win when I was a tiger in the mountains.
Are we hating fun yet?
Ashes to ashes.
I love the bleach boyz.
MFW all of my friends are all hanging out without me and won't tell me where they are.
My left or your right?
My shirt is actually photons.
My guitar sounds like compressed air.
I can't keep quiet if this air is made of freeon.
My friends say my flavor isn't bold enough.
Who do I have to bribe to make some gosh darned money?
Yesteray I was free, but today I am enraged.
I'm only 12 years old.
Zip Zap Zip Zap Rap.
Boogieing just isn't the same in overalls.
Get this scooob out of my doo
You can chant but can you holler?
There aren't any leftovers to laugh at.
I'm serious about family bonding.
I can't get enough ribcages.
Every day is PIZZA DINNER NIGHT!
My past tense is your future tense.
Como se dice corbata en Espanol?
Superman is both bird and plane.
My beard is starting to hitch.
I'M ILLEGITIMATELY SCARED
Do I love you or do I love money?
Jesus is more perfect than my speling.
I'm powered by extreme fruit flavor.
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE BLINKING.
I'm neither alert nor focused.
Say no to peppercorns.
As a Christmas present for all the nice children, I give you the lukerpig.com Archives!
Never forget that I'm made of atoms
Depicted: My Favorite Dead Dictator
Won't You Come
Oh yeah, I have over 13 gods!
It's sure to stun you
Can you imagine such a fate?
Follow lukerpig.com on Twitter!
I can't eat when I'm upset :(
Birds of a whatever, flock together.
Don't call it a Comebackbackbackbackbackback
Please don't get too upset
Follow lukerpig.com on Facebook!
Candy and Spice make me NICE!
Free Our Souls From Fritos
Splendor and Ruckus... ahoy
I'm going foreward
I'm going backward
George Michael ain't nothing to mess with
Would I ever be so bold?
Never Warp through time
Up Up And Away :(
Don't know, don't hesitate to destroy!
Lemons taste like sugar!
When's the last time you asked yourself the hard questions?
My my, Miss American Spliggit
Don't wait til you're done reading this sentence to click this link.
Don't huff too much glue, now!
Why Ford. Why Now.
Who hasn't heard of The Candy Man?
Girls like Larry because he doesn't play by the rules
Is that a big pile of Zoot Canoes?
Have you ever wondered about the consequences?
Do click this link if you like EXPLOSIONS
Don't click this link if you hate having fun
They hate you, you're a vegetable
Nobdy does it half as good as you
Does anybody else feel a bit queezee?
Good lord, is that a hamster or a donkey?
You have some nerve, mister!
Smile, it's your lucky day!
Today is the day we all die a little more :)
Don't let him get away with it!
THIS LINK FOR PREMIUM MEMBERS ONLY
He sees you when you're sleeping...
Watch Out! It's a triple midi update!
BOOM, all the sudden DJ hits you with a surprise left!
Destruction Mode: Terminate
The newest specimen to the Brett Hull Zoo!
Never knew the world was so round, did you? DID YOU?
No hurry, Exxon!
One in the sink, two in the think.
Perhaps the author should get a billion astro-dollars?
Don't get caught without one!
Scurvey Dogg doesn't take kindly to your no-nonsense attitude
They went on to get married and had three beautiful children before he left her for a blender
The plight of those with four tearducts
PUT YOUR RAISINS BACK IN YOUR FOOD
Knuckle Farming was a popular recreational activity during the Great Depression
Don't look now, but I'm not wearing any overalls
Houston, we have a slight problem. We lost our astrojacks
DJ hopes you feel FANTASTIC
Before There Was DVDasaurus...
I'm Magically Delicious
Feast Your Eyes Upon THAT!
It's like we're backtracking to yesterdimension
Have yourself a lick of beer pudding
I have your spare tractor
Take your Sludge Back. We only accpet MasterCard.
Do You Have Stairs?
I AM THE GREATEST
Will you be his neighbor?
I pity your armpits
UP UP UP! cuz we're DOWN DOWN DOWN!
Stuff By DJ and Paint Faces by me!
Smile! You're on TELEMUNDO!
He has come
Steven Hawkings has the Bongos
A "mature" rendition of Three Blind Mice
Bow to your new leader
SHOCKING NEWS FROM NINTENDO THAT'S REAL
You won't like me when I'm Fergalicious.
AND THE ANGELS SANG!
One in the hand is worth nothing to Bush
Where is your God now?
It's time to FEEL GOOD!
Nice To Meet You!
One Size Fits All hyperspheres!
¿Cómo se dice "Zebra" en español?.
Come, let us adore him.
It's the inside that counts.
Supersoak that hoe.
Cocaine is a powerful drug.
WHO YOU GONNA CALL?!
That's NO GOOD!
Thousands of years of artistic evolution has lead us to this point.
This is the wonderment-amazement bar.
A Grab-bag of FUN!
George Bush flipping us the bird!
America's favorite Man-Turkey!
I Love Jimmy Wales!